girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
