You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
