I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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