Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
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Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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