I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
