I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
