You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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