just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
