so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
