We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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