I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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