I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
