I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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