sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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