hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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