my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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