we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
