did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I could have mohawked her pubes.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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