in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
