hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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