he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
