What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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