1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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