nut hugger
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
