go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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