it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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