I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
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I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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