weddingsv make me drug and hornr
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
