that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
