so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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