I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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