thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
