It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
