I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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