All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You're like the curious george of whores
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
