I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
