Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
