Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
