I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
