3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
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So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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