This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
