TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
