im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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