Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
