i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
