Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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