in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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