I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
