Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
