So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
