I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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