I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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