She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
