I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
