That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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