So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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