3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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