I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My penis needs a shock collar
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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