hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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