Screwed.edu
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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