If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
