distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
