I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
