you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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