she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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