After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
